Unravelling

Kurt White: 00:00

The content of this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with a qualified health care professional for any health concerns. Take care of yourself out there.

Mary Wilson: 00:23

Welcome to Unravelling. This is podcast that sees the world through the lens of mental health. I'm Mary Wilson, a journalist.

Kurt White: 00:31

And I'm Curt White, a social worker and psychotherapist. Now, Mary, I we talk a lot about painful things on this podcast, sometimes very serious painful things that are maybe more unusual that not everyone experiences. But grief and loss, someone once said all psychotherapy is about loss. Maybe that's not exactly true, but it's a useful exaggeration because it's one of the painful things about being human that we to take stock of and repeatedly over the course of our lives. We lose things and we lose people.

Kurt White: 01:08

I've been sort of wondering about how do we do that and how do we use each other to do that and what supports do we have and find that can help us along the way.

Mary Wilson: 01:19

And is it true? I've heard it often said that everyone grieves differently, and you shouldn't judge someone by how they're grieving. Maybe some people will be outwardly sobbing, other people retreat into themselves, or other people get angry. It seems everyone deals with grief a bit differently.

Kurt White: 01:37

Yeah, it's very true. And it can be so invisible. I had a supervisor, my old friend and supervisor Jean, she had lost her husband shortly before I met her. And she said she would drive down the highway and she would look at people in their cars and she said she wondered who else that's just driving around like her has their heart broken in this intense way. And no one would know.

Kurt White: 02:06

Right? No one would know. And I think that's part of the dilemma. Someone another colleague I I knew once said that the hard part after he lost his mother was that after the rituals were done, you know, the funeral, he said there's a lot of stuff to do right away. Everyone kind of comes around.

Kurt White: 02:27

But then everyone kinda back backs up and go goes away. And the question is now and there that's really when it starts. You know, you're left with this long whole rest of your life without the person.

Mary Wilson: 02:41

You can feel so alone, which is interesting because like you said, every single one of us has experienced loss. So maybe we shouldn't feel alone, and maybe there's a way to experience some collective grief, which brings us to our interview today, which we came across, from a really interesting Instagram account about a woman who recently lost her dad. And instead of just grieving privately, she wanted to share her process in a really public way.

Kurt White: 03:10

Yes. And I find this so interesting. I mean, I became fascinated by it right away when I saw this. And I've seen a couple other folks do similar kinds of things with lost relatives where there's a kind of a public sharing related to a person's possessions and things like that. In this case, it's an account called dad's vinyl stash where this person Nikki inherited her father's very large and serious record collection.

Kurt White: 03:43

I I think one collection among many, but this one was a very special part of his life, and music was a thing that they shared together. And the account shares song by song, album by album, pieces of this collection as she is going through it and metabolizing it in the months after her father's loss.

Mary Wilson: 04:06

And despite being such a private person, she wanted to share this with others, and it's really struck a chord with many, many followers and people commenting daily about how it resonates with them.

Kurt White: 04:18

Yes. And I think that's really kind of exciting that maybe there are some new ways to join together because of these internet spaces that may be doing some interesting things to help people kind of work alongside one another in that way. Maybe not unlike group therapy, in that way that one person's sharing becomes an offering for everybody else to take in. And so I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if she would sit down and talk with us?

Mary Wilson: 04:50

She said yes.

Kurt White: 04:51

She said yes. Now normally we'd have a bio of the person, but as we mentioned, she's very private. So this is Nikki from Dad's Vinyl Stash. Well, Nikki, thank you so much for joining us here and talking with us about dad's vinyl stash. I'm I'm so excited to hear about this process and how you came to it and, and what it has come to mean to you and and others.

Nikki: 05:31

Yeah. I feel honored, I'm very appreciative of being able to share where this journey kind of came from and where we are now. And I think it's gonna be awesome to to share it with you guys.

Kurt White: 05:44

So this is a project that puts us right into a space with an important relationship in your life, you you and your father. Is that is that right?

Nikki: 05:54

Yeah. Yeah. It was my dad, Bobby.

Kurt White: 05:57

Yeah. And tell tell us about him.

Nikki: 06:00

Yeah. So it's kinda hard to put into, I guess, just like simple terms and and simple words about, like, who your mom and dad really are to you. But dad was a very passionate, spiritual, highly intelligent, highly talented musician. He played the drums. And I always felt like when I was growing up as a little girl that dad was he was a cool person.

Nikki: 06:33

You know? I just I really enjoyed being around him. And, of course, he had his his quirks and he was very private. So he was kind of introverted and kept to himself. And I think that that's where the music became a huge outlet for him, like just listening to music and sharing in the music.

Nikki: 06:53

And so music has always kind of been a part of everything that we had kind of done together. His inner circle were the if you were a part of his inner circle, then you really felt like you were a part of of something special. And this is really about him and for him. And, you know, with him not being here with me any longer here on earth, I feel like that it's just my relationship with him is just continuing to form, like, his music and through the the records that I have collected or I inherited through him that it's like I'm understanding deeper layers to the man of who my dad really was. And I really wish I could, like, have conversations with him now to kinda see, like, just about the whole collection in general.

Kurt White: 07:52

Is there a particular song you associate with him?

Nikki: 07:55

Oh, man. I mean, of course, there's, like, songs that I'll hear and it will just kinda remind me of him. And with him being a drummer, he always put his headphones on and he'd hear the song, but I would only hear him playing the drums, like when I would be in the room with him. And so, like, there are certain drum riffs that I will hear in certain songs, and I will think about him playing the drums. And a lot of them were, like, fun rock and roll eighties stuff.

Nikki: 08:27

There was, like, a Pat Benatar song that he would play. There are Def Leppard songs I hear, and I would hear the song, like, when I was in college and stuff. And I was like, why why can I hear the drum so well? You know? But it was because, like, I heard that part when dad would play it.

Nikki: 08:44

There is something that we put on and I was like, this sounds so dad. Probably like a lot of the Robbie Robertson stuff we just posted about because, like, he kinda came out with that whole new project. And that was actually a record that dad shared with me prior to him passing. The music that I'm uncovering, like the cigarettes after sex record, I'm like, where did this come from? And why have I never heard it?

Nikki: 09:12

And why does it sound like something that, like, dad would put on and I would be like, what are you playing? And then I'd be like, this is really awesome. Like, I'm so glad that, like, this is something that has been shared with me. The same for, like, the Beach House record that I just shared. Like, there's this certain genre of sound that I feel like always kinda it always kinda reminds me of dad, and it always feels like my home with him and kinda where we live in this space.

Nikki: 09:43

He would say, you know, Nikki, sit back and just listen. Like, don't judge. Like, don't don't judge what you're hearing until you really give it a chance. Give it a try. And I feel like that that's something that I really learned because of him.

Kurt White: 09:57

Tell the story, if you would, about how how you came to have this collection.

Nikki: 10:02

Well, dad passed in July 2025. It had been a few years prior to that, my husband and I bought our first record player. And so we were kinda buying different records. My husband and I were and, like, kind of diving, deep diving into vinyl and starting to collect some of our favorite artists and things. And so of course I would like send the picture to dad, or I would send the music to dad and he would be like, okay, well, this is really cool that you guys are getting into it.

Nikki: 10:35

And I'm I feel really at peace. And these were his words exactly in a text message to me. Like, it brings me so much peace to know that my collection will be with somebody who can honor it and who can love it and who can listen to it and, like, give it life. After dad had passed, we had gotten word that if there were things that we wanted of dad's that we would be able to to get them. Like, they would be mine.

Nikki: 11:05

And I said, okay. I said, well, probably one of the most important things that I shared with him is the music. And so, of course, you know, I'm asked, well, do you want all of it? Do you what do you want? And I said, you know, I dad had a huge collection of CDs.

Nikki: 11:23

And I said, well, I don't know if I'm gonna really be able to house the CDs and, like, all of the things, like the vinyl and the CDs and the books and the yo yos and the figurines and Star Wars, you know, all these things that dad had. I'm like

Kurt White: 11:42

He was a collector in a general way also, it

Nikki: 11:45

sounds like. Yes. Yes. With all the coins and all the clothes, you know, just everything that he had kind of collected in itself. But I said, you know, if I can get a few records, that would be amazing.

Nikki: 11:59

Like, just a few of the vinyl records, that would be awesome. The nitty gritty of things when someone really passes like that, it takes months before you can really, you know, figure out sorting out things and who gets what and and what kinda happens. It's not, you know, just right after the fact. All of the collection was boxed for us. We did not know, like, what would be happening on you know, it we just sent like a moving storage unit to be dropped at his house.

Nikki: 12:29

We had movers go and move it. We did not physically do any of the moving. But when my husband texted me and said, it is done. We have everything in the moving unit. And you may go a little crazy and ballistic when you actually see it on your end because you have no idea what 40 boxes of vinyl really look like.

Nikki: 12:52

And I was like, okay. Cool. Like, I mean, it's, you know, whatever. Like, I'm taking that with a grain of salt. Like, it's gonna be emotional.

Nikki: 13:00

I can't believe that it's gonna be here. I'm gonna you know, it's gonna be really difficult for me to kinda open it up and to be able to see dad's stuff sitting in front of me. We opened it up and I was like, oh my goodness. Like, this is what 40 boxes of vinyl really look like. And then you take them out and you put them in your space where you need to put them and you're like, we have run out of space.

Nikki: 13:32

We have records that were my grandparents, that were my grandmother's, you know? So things that I remember listening to at their house. And my dad, because he was with them, he got everything. Because when they had passed, their collections became his. And now it's kinda cool because, like, our stuff is becoming a part of the collection now.

Nikki: 13:57

The idea of getting something that belongs to someone that is no longer here was one of the most emotional things to deal with because I didn't want dad's stuff. I didn't I don't want his things. I want him to be here and to share the story of those things with me. But, you know, it's I guess if you have to move forward without that person here with you, then having things that really remind you of them and, like, really can just, like, give you those core memories and just those feelings of peace and comfort that I really feel when I listen to dad's music. I guess that that's, like, the next best thing to ask for.

Nikki: 14:45

And then to kinda share that with my husband and and my family, like, that really just makes it even more special. Things always become a little bit more emotional, and I feel like a little bit more sentimental when you really don't get to share that with that person anymore. Like, it be there becomes so much purpose to it.

Kurt White: 15:07

What is it's interesting. I mean, collections are often you know? I mean, they probably have a lot of different meanings to people. You know? And sometimes and he had a lot of them, but it it sounds like they sometimes I I think they're our own immortality projects.

Kurt White: 15:23

In a certain way, we spread ourselves out into the world. But but it does sound like the music for him was alive in a in a different way. It was shared. It was a lot there was an actual thread of him in it, and it may maybe meant meant something different certainly to you, I mean, than, you know, collection of plates or something like that, it sounds like. Right?

Kurt White: 15:44

Something you can kind of engage with and interrogate. I find that very interesting.

Nikki: 15:50

You know, I I feel like that when you hear music or you hear certain songs or you hear certain parts of music, it's like, it just takes you back to an exact moment that you may have had. Like, whether you were in elementary school, middle school, high school, you know, you were with, like, the first person who you kissed or I feel like our brains just naturally move into this place of, like, with smells and with sounds. But I think that there's something special that is done through music that will just it's like you're emotionally connected with whatever that feeling is that you can really be in tune with. Maybe music doesn't do that for every single person. But I feel like that if you if music does do that for you, then music becomes this whole other element to life that can heal you, can give you joy, can give you peace.

Nikki: 16:55

It's like finding self. Every single time I put a new record on, I get like this chill. Like, I get this, like, weird, like and my husband, every time he's like, Are you cold? Like I'm sweating. It's so hot in here.

Nikki: 17:10

And I'm like, No, I don't know what it is. Every single time it's like, I don't know. It's like that movie that, or like that show that's like, don't I even know what that show is called, like where you zap in and then you like zap out, like you're like zapping into whatever you're doing and then you're zapping out. It's almost like, that's what me and dad are doing together.

Kurt White: 17:28

I'd love to hear sort of exactly what it's like for you to go through that process of, you know, pick picking a record and getting into that space where it where it does come to you like that.

Nikki: 17:41

Yeah. Well, usually when I pick something, I I have picked things because I like the cover. I'm like, this cover is really cool. Like, let's let's play this. That the Rose City Band one that I shared, I think a few weeks ago, I was like, this cover is so beautiful.

Nikki: 17:59

I wanna I wanna play it. And then I put it on and I'm like, this is it's like dad was telling me, I know you'll like this record because the cover is so cool. Like, just check it out. But, you know, I feel like too that dad has a whole collection of jazz. And so, you know, jazz records and jazz is kinda hard sometimes to pinpoint.

Nikki: 18:24

So we'll just sometimes just pick randomly, and then we just put it on and we listen to it. And and I'm like, yeah. Let's share this this week. Like, this is really cool. The Art Pepper one that we just shared, that's kind of how that record was.

Nikki: 18:39

Like and that really resonated with a lot of people. It's weird to me, like, which records people are like, oh, wow. This is so cool. Or it kind of is a flop. Like, it kind of is you feel like it might be a dud.

Nikki: 18:53

And then some of the duds that I feel like, I don't know if this is gonna really do well, like the Claypool, it, like, goes crazy, you know, or, like, the the cigarettes after sex, it goes crazy. And then people are like, oh my gosh. I've never heard this. I'm buying it. And I'm like, yes.

Nikki: 19:09

Like, that to me is the ultimate compliment of anything that we could possibly be doing with the page because that's what dad did for me. Dad would share something with me and I would be like, okay. I'm gonna go purchase that, or I'm gonna go buy it, or I'm gonna add it to my playlist. Now some of it is stuff I choose because I just think it's cool to play, like the journey, the Def Leppard, the I mean, it's like all of those bands that I've kinda grown up with.

Kurt White: 19:40

Some of it's from do you do you do you know it beforehand? Do you think sometimes? Like, do you wake up with it and say, today, I you know? Do you know?

Nikki: 19:49

Some of it is very thought out and I guess planned out. But then for the most part, most of it, the majority of it is something that we have pulled, we listen to, and then we're like, okay. This is gonna be this is gonna go into next week's sharing stack. And then some of it actually has been shared because other people who are commenting on the thread from one of the videos will say, is that what I think it is, like, in the background? So it's kinda really cool to have, like, this community of music listeners who are really sharing in it with us.

Kurt White: 20:32

How did you decide on the the aesthetic of the visual with the the hand playing that, you know, that's a there's a little bit of a a repetitive richness to watching it also, but also you're hidden out of frame. And I'm I'm just sort of curious about about how you came to that.

Nikki: 20:51

Well, that was my one, my one stipulation was that I would not be in the video or I would not be talking in the video. I didn't really want the account to be about me being in it. So I said, is there a way that you can, like, film with just my hands, just me pulling it out, you know, of the box or of the sleeve, or now we're pulling it from the shelf. And, of course, my husband's like, yeah. You know, I'll do whatever you wanna do.

Nikki: 21:24

He's like, but I really think that people would really wanna see you or hear you. And I'm like, no. I'm not ready for that yet. When I really sit back and think about, like, what my true purpose is with creating this, I say that it's not about me, but at the end of the day, it really is about me sharing dad's music with the people, you know, because that's what dad always did. Dad shared music.

Nikki: 21:54

He shared music with me. He shared music online. He shared music with his friends. He always shared music. And so I feel like that this is just another way for me to, like, kinda keep dad alive in in that music sharing.

Nikki: 22:14

It does give me a lot of peace, and I have found a lot of purpose through creating this community of people who who are sharing something that is very similar.

Kurt White: 22:28

Does it does it help to feel less alone in your grief as you

Nikki: 22:32

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I will say sometimes it gets really it feels really heavy, you know, because people are people are sharing about their grief and you're you're reading about it. And then it makes me think about dad, and it makes me think about and it'll make me cry just thinking about it right now.

Nikki: 22:52

But, you know, there are so many people who are on the page who are sharing about the collections that they have gotten because of loved ones who have passed, and some of them have not even looked through their collection yet. But then they see our they see dad's Vinyl Stash page, and they're like, because you're doing this, now I want to go into my own record collection. And I wanna start pulling out stuff from my granddad or my dad or my husband or my wife or, you know, whoever it is. And I'm like, that's that's deep. That's really purposeful.

Kurt White: 23:33

I mean, I think, you know, grief and loss is complicated. Think sometimes to have the thought as a therapist that sometimes what we're missing more of in the com in in community spaces is a way of kind of remembering people together and grieving together after the initial burst of grieving is done. Right? I mean, that we do okay. Right?

Kurt White: 23:57

We come together. But there's always this people always tell me that the hard part is when that is done. And then you're just facing the long life without the person. Where did they go? They're not here.

Kurt White: 24:09

I want I want the real thing. And all I have is my thoughts about them or the things that they left. What am I supposed to do with it? And and I think the I I don't know that I have the answer for that, but, like, I think the therapist's answer is we've got to do something together about it, I think. Right?

Kurt White: 24:26

We have to. And I'm curious about whether there's something kind of different happening here in this kind of very special online space that you've created. Like, is this a kind of a new way of being able to join that feels sort of manageable? Certainly, this doing something for you, but I think you're feeling that it's also really doing something for other people too.

Nikki: 24:53

Well, the way that dad's death was was he he suffered from a heart attack. So he was taken, I mean, suddenly, so sudden and so shocking. And dealing with the sudden loss of somebody who they called you on Saturday, and I missed the phone call. And I never called him back. And then on Tuesday, I'm getting a call saying, you know, we're at his house.

Nikki: 25:26

And so the fact of, like, you going through the the ideas and the you're constantly replaying all of the things in your mind of what could I have done different? I wish I had called dad. I wish I had recorded his voice. I wish I had a voicemail. I wish I just wanna hear him.

Nikki: 25:52

You know? I just wanna have that conversation with him one last time because there was one day he was here, and then the next day he wasn't. That to me is was one of the most difficult things to deal with. I think that just as humans in general, dealing with such shocking loss just really kinda changes the trajectory of how you it's like, okay, this was my life before dad. And now this is my life after dad.

Nikki: 26:24

Like, it's like something kind of starts over in your journey of life. And I think that people deal with it in completely different ways. I have always been one of those people. And I do think that it's partly because of dad. I've always been one of those people who I wanna deal with the emotions.

Nikki: 26:47

I wanna feel the emotion. I think that that's a huge gift. And I've never really been one to kinda numb pain, you know, to kinda numb things with with, you know, different things. I know that, you know, just people dealing with such deep emotions can be very, very difficult. But I had a really strong support system after dad had passed that really helped me to tell me, okay, it's breakfast time.

Nikki: 27:23

Like you have to eat. Okay, it's lunchtime. You have to eat. And I told my husband that. I said, you just have to tell me what time of day it is, where I need to be, what I need to do, because when you're kind of dealing with those first few days, you're really in this fog and you're really like having to go through all the motions of stuff that I never thought I would have to ever deal with at this point in my life of where did they transport dad's body to from his house?

Nikki: 27:53

You know, like just like all of the stuff that you

Kurt White: 27:55

really disorienting, isn't it? It's it's very it's yeah. It really knocks you out of out of everything kind

Nikki: 28:02

of And it really and, like, the rest of the world is going on around you. It's also just the things that you kinda have to, like, just kinda get through. But then on the other side of that, and then dealing with the funeral and, you know, all of the planning and all of the things that really had to take place, it was not until after that when I really came home. And, I mean, when when dad's stuff showed up here at my house, that really was gut wrenching. And I did not go to the house.

Nikki: 28:36

I did not wanna real I couldn't really do that. I had not really been to the house in a very long time, like, where dad had lived. And and I knew kinda my boundaries with it, and I knew emotionally I would not be able to really go into that knowing that that was where dad was. Now there are people who can't really separate themselves from that. They're fully in it, you know?

Nikki: 29:00

And I'm very thankful to have this really great support system who really helped me to kind of dig through a lot of his collections and dig through a lot of his stuff.

Kurt White: 29:13

Do you think it's helped to to share it publicly in that way to know that that other people that didn't get to know him are now seeing this? And maybe they don't know you, but they know something important about you. And maybe they don't know him, but they do know something important about him.

Nikki: 29:30

Yeah. I I do feel like it's kind of rewriting. It's like rewriting dad in a very purposeful way. I really would like to have a conversation a conversation with dad and see, like, is he offended by me doing this? Like, would he is would he would he appreciate this?

Nikki: 29:52

Or would he be like, what in the world? And I really and I I feel like I it could go either way because I do feel like that dad would be like because dad would always tell me, like, you don't understand, Nikki. Like, this is like a top personal collection that I have surrounding me. Like, this is a top personal record collection, and you will be surprised by what you find. And I'm like, well, you know what?

Nikki: 30:17

I am very surprised by what I find, but there are also 56,000 other people who are very surprised

Kurt White: 30:24

by question.

Nikki: 30:26

By what we have found, and they and they are loving it, dad. So I do love sharing it because I do feel so close to dad. I feel like I can have conversations with him about, like, do you want this to continue? Like, is this something that, like, we need to continue? Like, is this gonna grow into something that, that could possibly grow into something that's a little bit bigger?

Nikki: 30:52

It's almost just like sharing dad's dad's story with the world. And I guess there's like a human humanness about it that people are are really liking. And I think that that's really I think that that's amazing because it's about it's about somebody who's so special to me. It's it's my dad who I can't really be with anymore.

Kurt White: 31:17

Do you think you've learned new things about him as part of this listening process? Do you that you know him

Nikki: 31:23

in different ways? Yeah. For sure. I feel like that it's like an peeling back an onion. Like, you get these different layers of dad every single time I'm listening to something.

Nikki: 31:35

I feel like I'm I'm getting to know him a little bit different. And that is such a gift to me because I don't really feel like you really get to know your parents as, like, the true men and women that they really are. They'll tell you all day long. They're cool. And they'll tell you stories about like, you know, walking up the road in the snow, you know, for five miles or whatever.

Nikki: 32:03

Didn't smoke those cigarettes or drink that alcohol. I don't know why you're doing that. But then you get to know them as like men and women and you're like, oh my gosh, like dad was he was in his twenties when he had me. And so, you know, being a 20 year old young man drummer in Atlanta, Georgia, trying to become a part of a band and then you end up having a baby, it like just changed the trajectory of his life. And then I feel like the older that he got, the deeper his music collection was getting and like just the collection in general, we just kinda look at it and we're like, this is dad's, like, this is the soundtrack of dad's life, you know, from pretty much before he was born when my grandparents were collecting records up until the day after my after the day my dad even passed, he was still buying records and collecting them.

Nikki: 33:03

I really wish that I had had conversations about his particular collection with him, like, while I would have been able to to understand the significance of certain records or why does this record look the way it does? Like, was this one of your favorite records? Like, did you play this a lot? What was the first record that you ever bought? What was the you know, like so I feel like that those are all questions that I'm asking myself and I'm kinda reflecting on.

Nikki: 33:38

And it's opening up a completely different side of dad because I'm I'm, like, kinda getting to know him in a completely different way.

Kurt White: 33:47

Are there things that you would want your regular viewers to to know that, maybe you could say to them, here that you wouldn't necessarily say in the the format of a a brief Instagram post?

Nikki: 34:06

I think that the idea behind the page, dad's vinyl stash, has become something that is that is very purposeful. It it's really it's it's fulfilling something for me that that I never really thought was even really there. Like, I never really thought that I was really missing that, you know? And and I guess that that's like a part of dad, you know? Like that's that's a part of dad that I'm missing.

Nikki: 34:38

But I do feel like that that the people who are sharing in the music with me and just with the page, it's just really kind of, it's giving the music life and it's giving it's bringing so much light into something and it's really rewriting this whole part of dad that that I never really thought would even happen. And just the hard moments that you kinda have to go through losing a loved one, I feel like that I just would never want for anybody to feel like they're alone in that because there's always going to be someone who is sharing in the same thing that you're sharing in. You just sometimes have to find them, and sometimes you'll never know it unless, like, you share it.

Kurt White: 35:37

Well, Nikki, thank you so much for talking with me today and sharing about your father and about this wonderful project. It's been such a special thing.

Nikki: 35:46

Yeah. No. I'm so grateful and honored, and and I just I look forward to seeing, you know, what what the future brings.

Kurt White: 36:04

Thank you again to to Nikki for that wonderful interview and powerful reflection and for all of this work. And joining again is Mary. Hi, Mary.

Mary Wilson: 36:15

Yes. Hi. Yeah. I really love how Nikki just sort of created this living archive of her dad and is somehow continuing to form bonds with him even when he's no longer here. It made me wonder if I have loved ones who I could do that with who are no longer here.

Mary Wilson: 36:34

And my grandma Peggy came to mind who has this old cookbook that we all make recipes from. So I thought that was sort of a way that we are still interacting with her and making memories and learning different sides of her as we see different recipes maybe we didn't notice. And then with my grandpa Bob, we have a a lovely song that he wanted me to sing at his funeral, which I was very nervous about and not happy about. But I did lead the sing along for Home on the Range. You know, the one

Kurt White: 37:07

Home on the Range.

Mary Wilson: 37:07

With deer in the antelope play.

Kurt White: 37:09

That's so sweet. It is.

Mary Wilson: 37:11

And it really speaks to who he was.

Kurt White: 37:13

Oh, what a grandest song.

Mary Wilson: 37:15

Very much. So yeah. So this interview definitely resonated with me.

Kurt White: 37:21

I can I can really picture that? That's great. Yeah. I when my grandfather was in his later couple of years, I used to do he used to go to the assisted living where he and my grandmother spent their last few years, and they would do sing alongs. And I would would sing with them.

Kurt White: 37:42

And they would they would go back earlier and earlier in the decades, you know. I mean, he would but he would know all these songs that were popular, you know, in the, you know, forties and the and the thirties, you know. And after a while, he was just quiet with one of them. And I said, you don't know that one? He said, before my time.

Kurt White: 38:03

That's '91, maybe they should take this one out of the rotation. I don't know. But but it's powerful, these kinds of Yes. Kinds of sharing, aren't they?

Mary Wilson: 38:12

The music that holds all of these memories, just like food and taste and smells can bring you back to a certain time.

Kurt White: 38:19

Yeah. Even just talking about it now, I I can feel his aliveness inside of me a little bit. I don't know if you'll feel that way about your grandfather. But that's right. I'll have to go listen to some Pink Floyd and Think of My Mother later on today or something like But, it's a very powerful and generous thing that she's done, and I really hope people will will check it out.

Mary Wilson: 38:42

And she has many more boxes of vinyl to go. So, hopefully, you will join in on her journey and follow dad's vinyl stash on Instagram.

Kurt White: 38:52

Links are in the show notes. And I'm very excited that in a couple of weeks, we're going to be talking about collective grief and mourning as a kind of parallel to the individual grief and mourning that we talked about today. So I hope folks will join us then.

Mary Wilson: 39:07

We will see you next time.

Kurt White: 39:24

Unravelling is brought to you by Brattleboro Retreat. Our producers at Charts and Leisure are Andrew Adkin, Hans Beuteau, and Jason Oberholzer.

Mary Wilson: 39:32

And you can find us on social media by searching Brattleboro Retreat. Bratteboro Retreat is committed to exploring diverse perspectives on mental health. While we invite hosts and guests to share their insights, the views expressed are their own and do not necessarily reflect the policies or positions of the hospital or its staff.